Arrested Woman Bribes Cop with Booty-Eating

In a year when a breezy song featuring a line about anilingus has become a hit, it’s only appropriate that a woman offering to lick a cop’s asshole in a haphazard attempt to negotiate her way out of an arrest would land her in even more trouble.

The Smoking Gun reports that 52-year-old Diane Thomas was arrested on May 16 in Monroe, La. for assaulting her boyfriend:

When Thomas was read her Miranda rights by a Monroe Police Department officer, she stated that her boyfriend was a bitch, adding that he got in her face so she beat his ass, according to a May 16 probable cause affidavit.
Desperate to avoid jail due to her “good job,” Thomas reportedly offered to kneel down and “lick [the officer’s] butt hole,” as chill goes out the window when desperation levels increase.

The officer turned Thomas down, and she was charged with public bribery in addition to domestic abuse.